pursue long-term growth, not quick fixes.
Whenever a friend tells me that they’ve started long-term therapy, I feel proud and excited. I am proud that they have courageously sought to explore feelings that were once too scary to share with someone else, and excited that they will grow in understanding and insight.
Sometimes these friends return in a few weeks and ask me the same two questions: “Why doesn’t my therapist give me advice?” and “Why aren’t my problems fixed in four sessions?” My response to both questions is the same, “Because real change takes real time.”
I admit that the lure of a short-term fix is intoxicating. The promise of immediate results has become endemic to our culture. We are guaranteed to lose 15 lbs. in 10 days and become a millionaire by the weekend if we act now! These claims are unsuccessful because they are made irrespective of important considerations like process and value. We know that there is a trustworthy process we must follow to lose weight or save money, and neither can be completed overnight. These short-term schemes that value immediacy over other qualities, like commitment and patience, fail because they have a flawed understanding of how change happens. Lasting growth is created by first understanding the processes of change, trusting and committing to these processes, and then reaping the hard-fought rewards like increased awareness and improved relationships.
It is for these reasons why therapists who value long-term growth will refrain from offering advice. Advice is a short-term fix, a Band-Aid that will be sufficient for a minor cut but inadequate for a deep wound. When therapy is relegated to advice giving or highly directive statements (“do this, don’t do that”), the process of change is stifled. Change must entail exploring what elements of the past are influencing current behavior, not simply obeying what a therapist tells you to do.
Therapy that enables lasting change will also necessarily be longer than four (or six, or eight) sessions. I wish this wasn’t the case. Most clients wish this too. We both wish that acquiring awareness didn’t require weeks of work, both inside and outside the therapy room. We wish that there was a wonder pill, a steroid that would accelerate growth and enable a quick erasure of anxiety. But this solution isn’t viable. Just like a fad diet that helps you shed water weight but does little to impact the core of the problem, the benefit of quick-fix therapy is often short-lived.
At first glance, this picture of long-term therapy looks pretty bleak. Who would want to commit to a long-term investment if a short-term fix would suffice? Thankfully, decades of psychological research and practice have confirmed that long-term therapy produces long-term growth. The vehicle to long-term change is not a quick fix, but a trusting, collaborative relationship with a therapist who enables safe exploration of thoughts, feelings, desires, and behavior.
The notion that real change takes real time has been a foundation of my clinical practice. I have witnessed many clients invest in this process and enjoy the lasting impact of long-term therapy. If you're interested in learning more about my approach to therapy, learn more here. You can also call for a free phone consultation or book an appointment here.