Real Change Takes Real Time

pursue long-term growth, not quick fixes.

Whenever a friend tells me that they’ve started long-term therapy, I feel proud and excited. I am proud that they have courageously sought to explore feelings that were once too scary to share with someone else, and excited that they will grow in understanding and insight.

Sometimes these friends return in a few weeks and ask me the same two questions: “Why doesn’t my therapist give me advice?” and “Why aren’t my problems fixed in four sessions?” My response to both questions is the same, “Because real change takes real time.”  

I admit that the lure of a short-term fix is intoxicating. The promise of immediate results has become endemic to our culture. We are guaranteed to lose 15 lbs. in 10 days and become a millionaire by the weekend if we act now! These claims are unsuccessful because they are made irrespective of important considerations like process and value. We know that there is a trustworthy process we must follow to lose weight or save money, and neither can be completed overnight. These short-term schemes that value immediacy over other qualities, like commitment and patience, fail because they have a flawed understanding of how change happens. Lasting growth is created by first understanding the processes of change, trusting and committing to these processes, and then reaping the hard-fought rewards like increased awareness and improved relationships.

It is for these reasons why therapists who value long-term growth will refrain from offering advice. Advice is a short-term fix, a Band-Aid that will be sufficient for a minor cut but inadequate for a deep wound. When therapy is relegated to advice giving or highly directive statements (“do this, don’t do that”), the process of change is stifled. Change must entail exploring what elements of the past are influencing current behavior, not simply obeying what a therapist tells you to do.

Therapy that enables lasting change will also necessarily be longer than four (or six, or eight) sessions. I wish this wasn’t the case. Most clients wish this too. We both wish that acquiring awareness didn’t require weeks of work, both inside and outside the therapy room. We wish that there was a wonder pill, a steroid that would accelerate growth and enable a quick erasure of anxiety. But this solution isn’t viable. Just like a fad diet that helps you shed water weight but does little to impact the core of the problem, the benefit of quick-fix therapy is often short-lived.

At first glance, this picture of long-term therapy looks pretty bleak. Who would want to commit to a long-term investment if a short-term fix would suffice? Thankfully, decades of psychological research and practice have confirmed that long-term therapy produces long-term growth. The vehicle to long-term change is not a quick fix, but a trusting, collaborative relationship with a therapist who enables safe exploration of thoughts, feelings, desires, and behavior.

The notion that real change takes real time has been a foundation of my clinical practice. I have witnessed many clients invest in this process and enjoy the lasting impact of long-term therapy. If you're interested in learning more about my approach to therapy, learn more here. You can also call for a free phone consultation or book an appointment here.

How Does Therapy Help?

Effective therapy involves Three Components

We only invest in a process if we know how it is going to help. We buy a Blue Apron membership because we know it’ll ease the burden of cooking, and we pay a mechanic to fix squealing brakes because we know they are necessary to drive a car. But many of us do not start therapy because we don’t know how it actually helps.    

Even though we don’t know how therapy helps, we intuitively know when something is wrong and needs to be fixed. Just like squealing brakes that will not repair on their own, past trauma, broken relationships, and feelings like anger and shame will continue to negatively impact us until we seek help.  

The prescription for effective therapy involves three components: providing insight and new experiences within the context of a therapeutic relationship.

Insight is knowing what we feel, what we do, and why we do it. We often know when something feels bad, even though we can’t determine why we feel that way. Or, we find ourselves caught in repetitive cycles of doing what we don’t want to do. We may spend a lot of time thinking of solutions on our own, but it’s hard to independently gain insight. Therapy helps because it involves discovering fresh perspectives on persistent problems.

Therapy also provides an environment to create new experiences. Many of us are stuck in old patterns we have learned in childhood: don’t feel angry, don’t have needs, figure things out on your own. These messages become fixated in adulthood and negatively impact our identity and relationship with others. Like a laboratory where discoveries are made, therapy is a space to create new experiences that can be transferred into our everyday lives.  

Finally, therapy helps when it is delivered in the context of a collaborative, empathic relationship. Insight and new experiences are important, but long-term change is achieved in the context of a therapeutic relationship. Without the context of a relationship, therapy is like reading a self-help book; it may provide some momentary help, but you are left craving a deeper connection to help understand your problem.

The mission of Chicago Collaborative Psychotherapy is to create lasting change. Through years of conducting therapy, I have found that these three components are necessary to reach this goal. If you are interested in learning more, call me for a free phone consultation or learn more about how to find a good therapist.  

How Do I Find a Good Therapist?

A good therapist was twice as effective as ANy antidepressant medication.

The decision to start therapy is not taken lightly. Some individuals feel unsure about starting therapy, feeling hopeful that it can help and cautiously concerned about revisiting old wounds. Once ambivalence clears and the firm decision to begin therapy is made, the looming question remains: How do I find a good therapist?

Many start with consulting online listing sites, but our technology-driven culture does not help ease this complicated task. We have become accustomed to opening an app, being bombarded with options, and making a decision in seconds. This process is repeated, whether it’s swiping through a list of potential dating partners or scoping reviews for a restaurant. However, finding a good therapist is different from researching a brunch spot and requires a more thoughtful method.  

This process becomes even more difficult when we consider how therapy is different from other healthcare services. Imagine you are enjoying a perfect weekend on the ski slopes until you meet the wrong side of the pine tree. You come to find out you need surgery to repair your ACL. You would prefer that your surgeon is empathetic and genuine, but you ultimately need her to perform the surgery well. Personality characteristics are secondary to her main job of repairing your ACL.

In psychotherapy, personality characteristics are at the forefront of the healing process. Decades of research confirms that the relationship between the therapist and the client is the tool that creates good outcomes in therapy, even more so than the therapist’s technique or experience [1]. When these conditions are met, the results are astounding. A summary of research shows clients believed a good therapist was twice as effective as any FDA approved antidepressant medication [2].

So what factors make for a good therapist? Findings are resolute that good experiences in therapy are dependent on a therapist’s strong relational qualities [3]. An effective therapist must display empathy, or a continual effort to compassionately understand, in order to help a client recognize their own feelings. Reduction in depressed mood, enhanced self-esteem, and increased insight are all direct byproducts of an empathetic therapist [4].

In addition to empathy, good therapists demonstrate genuineness. These therapists relate to their clients authentically and transparently, understanding them as real people and not as a list of complaints to be cured. Genuineness enhances the relationship between therapist and client, which in turn enhances the client’s progression toward goals. Clients who reported improvement in therapy believed that their therapist’s genuineness was the most important aspect of the treatment [5].

Finally, a good therapist will be able to identify when the client's goals aren't being met. Better outcomes prevail when clients and therapists address ways in which therapy isn’t working and seek to correct this process [6]. Good therapists will also seek to repair conflicts with clients. Therapy can also be an emotionally taxing experience where misunderstandings occasionally emerge. Therapists who address these instances and explore ways to correct them create better therapeutic outcomes than therapists who avoid discussing them [7].

The type of therapy offered at CCP strives to model these qualities. Learn more about the services provided here or schedule an appointment here.

[1] Luborsky et al. (1986) [2] Turner, Matthews, Linardatos, Tell, & Rosenthal (2008) [3] Keenan & Rubin (2016) [4] Watson, McMullen, Prosser, & Bedard (2011) [5] Curtis, Field, Knaan-Kostman, & Mannix (2004) [6] Safran, Muran, & Eubanks-Carter (2011) [7] Ibid